Start all over with a person who has enough respect to see you for who you really are
Relationships can be very difficult to negotiate. Besides feeling of joy and happiness our buttons get pushed, feelings get hurt, and tempers will flare. With all this going on it can be hard to know what to bring up for discussion and what to let slide. One of the red flags that should be a deal breaker is having your partner compare you to, not only his former flame, but to anyone.
When we compare one person to another we don’t see who that person is as a unique individual. We can’t see who they are because we are projecting our view of one person onto them. So if you are being compared, or comparing, a disservice is being done to all involved. You are each in a relationship with someone other than who you think. In any intimate relationship, if a comparison is being made, it should be a stark realization that you are not being seen and loved for who you are. It is time to leave.
The other reason for a quick departure is that being compared to a past love is a strong indication that he is not over his former flame. He may say he is but his actions are clearly saying otherwise, even if his comparison of you is unflattering to his past. For this and the reason above, it is time to quickly leave.
There are so many obstacles in making a relationship healthy and successful so starting one with the deck stacked so largely against it is unwise. Do yourself a favor and postpone your future divorce by taking this red flag to heart, free yourself, and start all over with a person who has enough respect to see you for who you really are.
Cynthia Pickett, LCSW, LADC